Meet Mr. M- Certainty

He is the high school best friend who did everything for me. He took care of me, made sure I was always safe and protected me through all the crazy drunken nights that occurred so many years ago. He is quite and reserved, very much my opposite. He is laid back, doesn’t like people very much, stays to himself, and has a very dry personality. He doesn’t show emotions and he doesn’t express himself in any way. He is the main male figure that have been apart of my children’s lives since birth, not including their biological fathers and I have grown in love with him over the years I have never really accepted the fact that he would never be in the life. He accepts me for who I am which is something that most people can’t do. He forgives me time and time again, which is madness in itself. He is a Gemini

Meet Mr. Z- Uncertainty

12 years my senior (is that how you say it or 12 years older than me), outgoing, ambitious, always chases the next best thing. He has energy for days, sings Karaoke, plays the piano, a gentleman, a good listener, never been married and doesn’t have children, and has this personality that just makes you want to melt. He likes to travel, he isn’t grounded at all, and he can talk me down from any situation in a matter of a minute and make everything better. He just gets me, I smile, I laugh, he makes me forget about the world and just enjoy life. Which is something that I am not used too. What are his flaws? He is a runner, never confronts reality, when there is a problem he is on the next flight out of town without a word until I pull up find my location and notice he is 500 plus miles away and he digs girls in there 20’s because he knows no real relationship will come of it, its just fun for a while and the commitment factor doesn’t come into place. He is a Scorpio

Meet Me – Certainty craving Uncertainty

100% control freak, mother of two children who are my entire world, OCD, very cold emotionless when it comes to relationships. I think 3 years is it for me, tells people one thing but expects a completely different result. Likes to do think on my own, terrified of love, lacks effort in personal relationships, ambitious, in love with my passion and purpose, free spirit, Spontaneous- when I am with the right person, Cancels trips 2 hours before the plane leaves, sabotages anything that remotely feels incredible, a wall builder, fun chaser, wants the fairy tale where the guy saves the girl but will tell anyone that I don’t want to be saved. You know like that moment in “Pretty Women” when Richard Gere arrives to Julia Robert’s apartment yelling Vivian from the limo and climbs up the fire escape for her, yep that kind of fairytale. I expect nothing from anyone because I don’t want to be disappointed. So when I ask for something and you agree then let me down or use it against it pushes me away. I’m a Leo.

So the question still remains… How could I possibly love two very opposite men? How could I lay next to one while thinking or wishing I was with the other? Was the “certainty” so certain that it turned boring and deep down I knew in my mind that this is not how my “life” is suppose to be but I was willing to settle for it. When on the other hand there was “uncertainty”, just waiting for me to say “FUCK IT”, constantly in the background of my mind knowing that if I wanted to have a good time, he was there 100%, my person for the 6 hour weekend night with a chemistry was so powerful it made me throw any and all morals and values I have right out the window? Well the answer to this is… Yes and this I did for about 4 years, two and a half years prior to the Vegas Elvis Wedding that was hidden from the world like our relationship, and a year and a half there after.  While the whole time I was still seeking certainty, being a mother, and driving my career to the next level while getting my own business started.

Now that you know us, well my version that is, welcome to the “life” story, filled with real complicated love.