It all started on a September night at RA. I went there to celebrate a girlfriend’s birthday or so that is what I recall. I was perfectly fine minding my own business when Mr. Z happened to walk in; now keep in mind I have never seen this man before in my life. He made his way over to the table I was sitting at and into my conversation, which is something he is still really great at. My girlfriend and I were discussing how some women can get anyone to talk to them, its like they put out this “fuck me” vibe and all the men flock. When I on the other hand can’t get one person to speak to me. Apparently I put out this “mean and unapproachable bitch” vibe or so that is what Mr. Z told me in our first 2 sentence conversation meeting. Interesting enough on that particular night he made his way right over to my vibe.

I remember him sitting next to me discussing his theories on 20’s, 30’s, and 40 year old men and women and all I can remember is that he smelled so fucking good, like I wanted to rip off all of his clothes and just forget life until the sun came up. It was at that moment I feel head over heels in lust with him.. A 42 year old man, Never would have imagined.  He spoke about his life and he was disgustingly perfect. (Insert Fireball Shot Here) He owned his own company (fireball shot), traveled when he pleased (fireball shot), had his shit together (fireball shot), he was like the male version of myself and it was beyond intriguing. Especially since it’s Tucson… Let me repeat that, it’s Tucson (Double fireball shot here).

What appeared to be Mr. Right for most was nothing more than a Red Flag for me. The analytical Kelli came out and I started asking myself 101 questions: Who is this man? Why am I drawn to him? What is his life problem? Is he gay? Lets face it all the good ones are these days and if he is that’s cool, will he go both ways? Does he know I’m 30 with 2 children at home? Did he fall from the sky? What the fuck is going on? Is he really 42 years old without any children or an ex-wife? Did I take to many Xanax and I am now imagining all of this? My entire life plan moving back to Tucson to be with Mr. M just went right out the fucking window, just like that. My not-so-perfect life/relationship that I wanted so much just got turned upside down.

What was suppose to be a simple birthday celebration at RA turned into speed racing down Campbell to Toby Keith’s Bar & Grill, Stripping in the parking lot upon entering the M3, Drunken lap dances at the red light, to end up downtown at “Playground” with no real recollection on how I even got in. Have you seen “What happens in Vegas” with Cameron Diaz where she turns into a drunken fun mess? Yes that was this girl “Fun Kelli” officially came out after 10 years of hibernation.

It was literally at this moment dancing my life away in Downtown Tucson that my double life was created. I wanted so badly for Mr. M to join in on the fun and to be apart of his world, but I knew it would never happen, so I then decided to do the next best thing which was to create my own “life”. So Sunday-Thursday I did what I knew was certain while accepting the occasionally nights Mr. M would come over to have sex and then leave because he was uncomfortable staying the night. To the Friday and Saturday nights filled with shenanigans and uncertainty of being thrown up against a wall by Mr. Z on top of the DJ booths just to get dropped off at Mr. M’s house to “sleep” for the night.

Over the next couple of months Mr. Z and I would “escape reality” on a weekend night, only to create a lust filled rendezvous that we both knew wasn’t going to last past 3am.  Was it appropriate? No. Was hair pulling involved? Yes.  Did we both fit in the front seat of the M3? We did. Did we think for one minute that any of it was wrong?  No, especially when we remained fully clothed at all times. Dry sex is a thing, not just something you do in high school, you should try. Did anyone else matter those 6 hours we were together in front of the world to see? No.  You see, Mr. Z was always one Kelli away and I was always too certain to know it would never be anything more than 6 hours of pure lust.